Marseille

Onto France and a stop in Marseille, the second largest and oldest city in the country.

Famous for the garlic and saffron-flavoured fish stew called bouillabaisse according to Google. More recently infamous for drug trafficking and riots in popular media.

I have recently seen Joe Lycett and Asim Chaudhry visit Marseille so was well aware of the comedic potential of the city.

Despite or perhaps because of this we joined a tour of the picturesque Luberon area 70 km north of the city. Our tour guide gave us a history of the area during the drive and it is quite interesting if you like that sort of thing and are stuck on a bus.

Our first stop was the village of Lourmarin. Described as a village of artists at the foot of the Luberon massif (massif - a very French word) Long story short. Even the professional pictures on the Tourism Provence website don't do it justice. Narrow cobblestone streets lined with ancient buildings now housing shops and cafes, glorious sunshine on a busy but not totally insane tourist day. We had a short walk to and then through the village, before we point blank refused to climb a hill to have a look at a church. We retreated back to the village and encamped at a cafe to enjoy lunch, sparkling water and an indifferent cask rose. Followed by a sensational Snickers-flavoured ice cream.

Just outside the village stands a Chateaux. I could not help myself, driven by the outrageous French accent of our guide I could only think of 'Allo 'Allo references as we walked up the road in search of the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies by Van Clomp.

Allo Allo Wiki

Then onto the hilltop village of Saignon. Seriously, this village is perched on a rocky outcrop. With more rock, fewer tourists and far fewer cafes and shops it was picture postcard stuff again only hotter and less shade. Once again we declined the opportunity to climb further up the hill to view the Church. I think visiting churches will only encourage them to build more.

An uneventful bus ride back to the ship and we were back onboard in time for pre-dinner drinks.